have you ever....

have you ever found someone you think deserves the best person in the world to love. Someone that deserved to be cared about and have they're jokes laughed at and doesnt need all the fucked up drama in their life... i have
He's 19 turning 20 in september, hes a great racer, funny guy, he has the best personality and never really get soooo mad you think he's going to kill someone. He listens to funny music cracks weird jokes and yes, he has made many mistakes in the past. But now, hes in college on track and has finally paid off all of his previous tickets. He is a bundle of energy and lives his life the best way. He has a kick as car. the only propblem now? his girlfriend. SJes nice, and she says she loves him. But now shes breaking his heart, and its killing him. He tells her he loves her, and she asks" whats the point if we will never get married" you see, she s a jahova's witness, and although he has done more for her than her family and the church ever will, she still picks them over him. so now, when he says if thats how she feels, she gets upset saying he doesnt love her if he wont turn JW for her... and she talks about killing herself. Although i understand why he loves her, and i also get why she wont turn, i believe that there is someone out there that is soo much better for him, and although i think it'll hurt, he needs to try moving on..... i wish he could just be happy... with out all this, and my fear is he'll just cave and give away everything for her
=(

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins.

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.


sound firmilar........ it does too me

Recapp, and happynesss

soo adams party.. AMAZING it was happy nice to be there with all my friends and the doof was only there for a lil while. SO the slip ans lside was awesome, getting pushed down my adam.. was no.. okay it wasnt that bad.. so then we hottubbed, and then i epicly fail at volleyball, excapt for serving.. that is why i run... that was my quote for the game, so then we went back and hottubed more and pooled more.. then the night starts to get good cause a certian boy shows up with his other friends... we slip and slide sommore, i get tiff to go down, the bouys are being stupid and tring to go down in various objects including a sled, recycle bin, snowboard, chair, and one of those little kids foam swimboards thingy... it was soo funnny to watch and do
so then we all kida chilled and then we hit the hot tub agasin, this time with !% ppl in it, i was in the middle and i had feet in place they shouldn't have been, it was fun though, and i'm pretty cool about that. So i'm being nice to maddy as weel, i feel bad cause hse knew like 3 ppl there, and the other girls wernt rly talking with her or anything, so hey, why not be nice, then it was just a few of us in the hot tub, it was nice, he sat nextto me, we flirted, he poked me, then he got out and the meanny took his spot, and although he was sitting by other ppl, he still payed attention, then we sat by the fire and adam and the jerk sang, they were good though, then MANHUNT then best of the night, we hid together, it was soo great and we lookeed for ppl together too, then the doof shows up again, and try to get all clode, but no way is that happening, then the next day after allt he goodbys the night before adm confesses to trying too hook us up, well it may've worked.. haha we text alot now.... i'm happy

silent

i hate bothering ppl with my problems, and i thinks thats why some ppl see me as standoff ish or snotty. But really i hate makeing someone else worry about my problems, when the probably have they're own. i hate tell ppl my secrets because i can't trust anyone no matter ho hard i try and i hate talking about myself. I feel like i can't trust who ever i'm talking too because they'll tell someone or use what i tell them againstme. and as much as i do it.. its still hard for me to blog. i hate rt now i', sitting here insecure and jittery because i feel like whoever reads this is going to think i'm being whinney and stupid, and that i just need to man up and stop being a baby. But the truth is.. i've had this problem for as far back as i can remember.... and i hate it.. i need halp.. but i'm afraid to ask for it=( so help me.. somebody.. please=(

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK SHITH DAMN FUCK DAMIT!!!!!

why the hell, do i now have to realize this... when i had it all rt in fromnt of me the whole time and now? god damnit!! all this time i was confused and stupid cause now theres no wayy, cause of that and how they feel.... FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!

crazy!!!

busy week ahead,horse camp all week and that means getting up at 6:30 hvaein a coffe and getting one at DD on the wayy to annas at 7 on dads way to work, to camp at 8 to help her help melissa set up, camp at 9 wher i'm the only one in my advanced class to deal with the snots.. cause anna's working at camp=( anywayy... besides being up ear=ly i get to ride for 2 and a half hours everyday, groom the horses and perfect my braiding skills, do the trail demo, prepare our end of camp group ride.. which is always flawless, clean stalls(easy compared to what i normally do) as an english rider i also get to do a little bit of a hunter demo at the end which will be kool to learn to do the hunter jumps.. i'm excited!!!
really good food, get to see casey he amazingly nice dog, spending a week in an amazing barn!! camp will be fun

anyway besides all that i get home at five take a nap, eat, nap somemore, run slepp do it again... taking sunday off for a horse show that terri is haveing for fun for her students.. me and prince have a costume.. nobody knows.. i'm excited..

this weekend was relaxing, and as of saturday... my mom owes me a massage...

yes you heard or read in this case correct, we had an agree ment that if i ran from july 1st to august 1st she'd hget me a massage.. and i did and now she has to hold her end of the bargin... i'm excited...

well now its family dinner time... yay grandma and grandpa lindsay leave soon, happy to see them but i'm goin insane....

talk to you when i reaturn forom the dead!

My life doesnt suck without you

so its been a few weeks, and i've moved on, i dont need you, and i'm sure as hell am doing great on my own. I don't know why.. but were better off not together, i'm happy with the choice i made and now i'm happy to move on and seeing as how you act now i see it was the right choice. I'm happy and unlike kelly's lyrics....

my life would suck with you, not without you